Here’s a list of the Top 5 Most Common Names I’ve Been Called (in no particular order):
- Bitch
- Slut
- Whore
- Psycho
- White Trash
Now ask me how many of those bother me. Answer: not a one.
Well, the Psycho one bothers me only when I haven’t actually given them a good reason to call me that. Once I’ve cracked you upside your fool head with an aluminum baseball bat (true story, but in my defense he did try to run me over with his car first) then you can legitimately call me Psycho but I reserve the right to call you fuckwad whenever I please.
That last one – White Trash – is probably a bit closer to the truth since I’ve started watching WWE Wrestling lately. I blame Big Sexy. Not just for the wrestling thing. I’ll pretty much blame him for anything that he’ll let me blame on him.
I would ride him like Harley on a bumpy road
But back to the wrestling thing. No, wait…it’s not wrestling…. it’s ‘rasslin’. It really is Big Sexy’s fault because he DVRs Monday Night Raw every week and I got suckered into watching it. Especially when I first saw Randy Orton. Now that’s a serious case of hot, sweaty lust at first sight.
That’s Randy Orton over there —>
He’s got his head shaved now so he looks even more like a tattooed crazyass bad boy.
Wow. I went and googled him which sounds naughtier than it really is and I got so sidetracked that I can’t remember what I was talking about.
Oh yeah…wrestling. Now clearly I have a lot to learn because professional wrestling is basically a testosterone-filled soap opera. You have to know who is related to who, who used to be partners, who the bad guys are and which ones used to be good guys.
Like tonight, for example. They were talking about some dude named Jeff Hardy. I have no clue who that is and I wasn’t really listening until Big Sexy started talking back to the TV.
BS: Well that’s what you get when you have cocaine Fed Ex’ed to your house!
Me: He did what?
BS: He had a bunch of drugs sent to his house by Fed Ex.
Me: Well that was stupid!
BS: Isn’t it?
Me: Yeah! UPS is much quicker.
He says I missed the point. Apparently I just don’t understand the whole professional wrestling thing at all.
I laughed so hard. UPS is quicker. Ain't that the truth and they don't scan the packages. Oh wait did I say that.
Yeah, but don't worry…only like 10 people read this blog and none of them are DEA agents so you're safe.
LOL…you will go into more detail about the baseball-bat-car-runeth-over story, yes?
You are hilarious.
I thought you were talking about wrestler "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash at first! (I have no idea if he's still wrestling). And if you were? I'm jealous!
Anyway, I used to LOVE WWE. I'm sure my favorites are still Matt & Jeff Hardy. However…I can't bring myself to watch it anymore. I try, but I just don't stay interested.
Thanks
I can sum up the baseball bat story really quick.
1. Dude pissed me off.
2. Grabbed baseball bat out of the closet and threw said dude out of my apartment.
3. Said dude gets in his car to leave and tries to run me over in the parking lot.
4. Used baseball bat to hit said car's back windshield.
5. Dude gets out of the car to check for damage and I crack him upside the back of his head with the bat.
Oh I wish!! Kevin Nash is yummy! Big Sexy is just the guy I was dating…up until last night. Now he's more like Shrek.