I admit that I’m a total computer geek. I love my Internets. I make a living in social media. But there are some things that even I don’t understand.
If you know anything about the “Mom blogging” community then you probably heard about the recent death of a 2 year old who drowned in his family’s pool. There’s been a lot of controversy surrounding it due to several factors:
- The mom posted on Twitter less than an hour after her son was found at the bottom of the pool
- The mom was on Twitter again a few hours after her son died posting photos of him
- The mom was again on Twitter the next morning arguing with people who were questioning her
- Several people were asking how this could have happened and if the mom was too busy tweeting rather than watching her child
- One person in particular was demanding verification of the story before people started sending in donations
- The Mommy Blogger lynch mob attacked the people who were doubting the mother’s story or supporting the right to question it
- Several people were defending the right to question stories and pointing out previous Internet scams
- Those same people were also pointing out that questioning a story can be done quietly and with some tact
Since this is my blog and I can speak freely here, I’m going to share my own opinions on the whole fiasco. Now keep in mind, these are MY opinions on MY blog. I can only say how I would handle things and it’s not meant to be a criticism of how other people have gone about it.
First of all, a few things really jump out at me. The first is this report from Florida Today. According to the article, the boy was found at the bottom of the pool, the child was out of the mother’s sight, and a police lieutenant would not say what the mother was doing or how long the child was out of her sight.
Well, you can tell by her Twitter timeline what she was doing. She was posting pictures and tweeting about chickens and roosters. And he was, according to this report, found at the bottom of the pool. Not seen falling into it. Found at the bottom. To me, this disqualifies it as being one of those “it only takes a split second” scenarios. If you turn your back for a second and a child falls or jumps into a pool, you hear it or you see it the second you turn back around. You don’t find them at the bottom. Not only that but why wonder around in a backyard with a toddler near a pool with no fence or gate to begin with? I’m not saying the mother is to blame. I am saying it could have been prevented.
Me? I wouldn’t be tweeting about my child’s death just hours after it happened. I would be so sedated and knocked out on tranquilizers, you’d find me walking the streets babbling like an idiot wearing nothing but a t-shirt and snow boots before you’d see me on Twitter. I do have an online “life” but at a moment like this, I think my family would be the ones I would turn to first. Yes, I know she just moved and her husband was gone. I don’t have any family nearby, I don’t have a husband, but I still can’t see myself hopping online to tweet about it and argue with strangers over it. I love my friends that live in my computer dearly but, unless I have your phone number and I can contact you directly, you’re not going to be very high on my priority list when my child dies.
This brings me to the next issue. While I may have these thoughts and feelings, I would never, ever think of sharing those thoughts with the mother, especially directing them at her publicly like some people have done on Twitter. I can’t imagine the pain she’s going through right now and the last thing she needs is a bunch of strangers piling blame and guilt on her. It’s none of my business. The circumstances surrounding her child’s death is a private matter between her, her family, and the local police. The way some people went about attacking her, especially at one of the worst moments in her life, is just completely inhuman.
But then there’s another point…it should have been a private matter but because the mother is very active on Twitter, she made a choice to live her life publicly. I understand having an online community, I understand having friends and supporters on the Internet. And I understand reaching out to those friends and that community in a time of need. But you have to accept that there are consequences to that. If you choose to share information publicly where anyone can read it, then you open it up for anyone to comment on it. Not just your own circle of friends, not just your own community. I have online friends and I probably would reach out to them if I needed their thoughts, prayers, whatever. In fact, I have done that before. But I limited it just to those friends. I’ve contacted them directly, I’ve shared information on the forums where I usually communicate with them. I haven’t shared it publicly on Twitter where I have no control over who sees it.
If that’s how one person reaches out for support and if posting pictures of her child a few hours after his death is her way of coping and grieving, I can understand that. I am not judging her or criticizing her. I am just saying I can’t identify with that. And I’m also saying that I can understand why people would want to confirm the story before sending in money, although I don’t agree with the way one person in particular went about doing that. It wasn’t necessary to demand the information directly from the mother nor was it necessary to give everyone a play by play of who she had contacted and what the result was.
But here’s another issue I’ve had with it and it’s not a new one. I’ve blogged about it before, here and on Bad Mommy Blogger. It’s the mob mentality of the Mom blogging community. Many of them fail to see the hypocrisy of their own words and actions. I have seen more vulgar language, more name calling, more vile hatred spewed out of them than I have ever seen anywhere else. How DARE you question or criticize one of their own! Do it and you will face the wrath of them all, armed with keyboards and iPhones! They will contact Twitter and demand that your account be removed! They will take to their blogs and publicly “out” you, posting your IP addresses and demanding that their flock block you! No matter if your questions or statements have some validity or truth to them, you will conform to their methods of blind support and DO AS THEY SAY or you will be SHUNNED!
Yet they call this other person a “bully”.
Hmph.
Maybe those people really need to take a step back and look at the role Twitter and blogging is playing in their lives. But, see, it’s easier to coddle each other and make excuses for the amount of time they spend on all of it than it is to face the truth. And what IS the truth? The truth is you need to get the fuck off the computer and spend some time with your family.
By the way, if I get any nasty comments, I DO have the right to delete them and you do have the right to call me names for it. But it’s my blog and I’ll shut it down before I’ll let other people tell me what I should or shouldn’t write on it.
That's the thing that bothered me the most, the mob mentality, the acting like their actions were okay and her's wasn't. I mean in the end they all turned out to be the same. I understand the want for verification (I even wrote about it on my blog but didn't use names because I didn't feel it was right) and I understand people being mad. I just don't understand the quest to get her kicked off Twitter and Blogger. That made no sense to me at all. I was called a troll today for reporting people for abuse (it was more in hope of trying to get people to see the hypocrisy of the whole thing). I rarely called names (only did once when someone referred to the behavior as illegal and slander. I can't stand when people apply non-exsistant laws and also use the wrong terms), but because I wasn't on their side I was threatened with having the gang set upon me. LOL! All because I didn't feel that their reaction was appropriate. As I wrote in my blog, it's simple, block the person, don't read their posts, and if you can't stand open criticism, don't post online for the world to see. I'm trying to control myself and not go back and watch what's happening. I honestly think that had the Mommy community left the other person alone she wouldn't have gone as far as she did with her posts and responses. I think I spent enough time this morning on the whole issue, time to move on and hope that this incident (the pool thing) alerts people to the dangers. On a side note I was informed that the pool was gated, which really makes me wonder what the hell was going on.
The more I see it, the more disgusted I am with the "Mommy Mob". That's where I see all the threats and name-calling coming from. Apparently I've been "blacklisted" because I follow this person that they hate. Meh. Oh well. I've never been one to worry about numbers or popularity.
I've done Twitter searches for the names of both the mother and the other person. There are WAY more tweets directed at this other person which shows me that their wasting more energy on her than on the mom. I think they've lost sight of what's important.
Oh and the pool was not only gated, it has an entire fence-type housing enclosure thing around it. Combine that with the fact that someone deleted the tweets that were posted immediately prior to the incident and now there's even more speculation. That doesn't necessarily mean that there's some kind of cover up going on now BUT people have to suspect that it WILL appear that way and expect some sort of backlash. If you don't give people reasons to speculate and question, they are less likely to do so.
The smart thing to do at this point it make the account private but I made that suggestion several times today and it just fell on deaf ears. Now it's just all about making excuses. "But we neeeeeed Twitter, we are Mommy bloggers, we HAVE to use social media, we have a business to run, and we are all such good friends that we use it to stay in touch and you people just don't understaaaaand!!!"
I call bullshit.
Wow, I think you all just said everything I have been thinking on the matter. I was shocked by the attacks. Not those on Ross — I am used to people commenting on stories in the news and even asking inappropriate questions in inappropriate ways. The ones that shocked me were the vicious, profane attacks on anyone who dare utter even a moderately critical comment. The "mommy bloggers" I know are nothing like this bunch. I also did a search for Ross and for the names of a few who had questioned her. Those questioning her tweeted a few questions and critical, sometimes rude and very inappropriate, comments and accusations. Those supporting Ross had posted hundreds, if not thousands, of tweets calling those few who had been critical nasty names, calling for "un-following" and blocking them, looking into their personal information and posting it. And they say that handful of people asking questions are the cyber bullies. If they were not so scary they would be laughable.